Cunnilingus for Older Adults: A Gentle Guide to Pleasure and Comfort

Understanding Changes and Embracing Comfort

As we age, natural changes in the body—such as decreased lubrication, sensitivity, or mobility—can influence sexual experiences. These changes are normal and can be managed with patience and open communication. Prioritizing comfort and relaxation during cunnilingus is key to a pleasurable experience.

Using water-based lubricants can help alleviate dryness and increase comfort. Adjusting positions to accommodate mobility or support your body can also make the experience more enjoyable.

Communication Is Essential

Talking openly with your partner about likes, dislikes, and boundaries fosters trust and understanding. Sharing what feels good and what doesn’t helps tailor the experience to your unique preferences. Remember, there’s no rush—taking your time to explore and respond

what feels good for both of you.

• Setting Boundaries:
  “If there’s anything you’re not comfortable with, please let me know. Your feelings are important to me.”

• Expressing Desire:
  “I find the idea of being more intimate in that way exciting and would love to explore it together when you’re ready.”

• Seeking Feedback:
  “After we try this, I’d like to hear how you felt about it so we can make it even better for both of us.”

[CONTEXT START] What feels good for both of us when it comes to oral sex?”

• Expressing a Specific Desire:
  “I really enjoy it when you [mention specific action, e.g., kiss my inner thighs, touch me gently]. I was wondering if you’d be open to exploring cunnilingus more directly sometime?”

• Reassurance and Gentleness:
  “I know sometimes talking about sex can feel a bit vulnerable, especially after all these years. But your pleasure is important to me, and I want to make sure we’re both enjoying ourselves. Can we chat about what that looks like for you?”

Scripts for During Intimacy

• Guiding Your Partner:
  “A little softer there, please.”
  “Yes, right there feels amazing.”
  “Could you try [specific suggestion]?”

• Checking In:
  “Are you enjoying this?”
  “How does that feel for you?”
  “Let me know if anything needs to change.”

Scripts for After Intimacy

• Expressing Appreciation:
  “Thank you for that. That felt wonderful.”
  “I really appreciated how attentive you were.”

• Gentle Feedback (if needed):
  “I loved that. In the future, maybe we could try [suggestion], but what we did tonight was lovely.”

Key Principles for Discussion

• Be Kind and Patient: Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding.
• Focus on Mutual Pleasure: Frame the discussion around enhancing intimacy for both partners.
• Use "I" Statements: Express your feelings and desires from your perspective (e.g., "I feel," "I would like").
• Listen Actively: Pay attention to your partner’s responses and acknowledge their feelings.
• Normalize Changes: Understand that bodies change, and intimacy can adapt and evolve.

By using these scripts as a starting point and adapting them to your unique relationship, you can foster a more intimate, communicative, and sexually fulfilling connection with your partner after 50.